Sept 14

• Sept 14-
"It was a beautiful day to start with. A cab just a few steps from my house, no long lines in the train station, though there's no seat available in the bus, I was able to step in and just enough room for me to breath. I arrived a few minutes after 8am in the office, very early for my 830 schedule. I hope to get a good day today though I still feel sleepy. I'll just make it up tonight and try to sleep early. I'm hoping to eat a decent dinner tonight and start a new day again tomorrow..."

passport renewal

Just finished processing my passport renewal last saturday. I arrived DFA just before 9am, too early for my schedule and just in time for Perry's. He was scheduled for 930 so he got in first to start the procedure. Everything went well and we finished in less than 3 hours including the waiting time. I salute the government, DFA in particular for it's a job well done. A good start for the government to establish a good image.

thyroidectomy

I'm here in the hospital lying with bondage on my neck. I just had my thyroidectomy 2days ago and fortunately, thank God, it went well.I need to have this operation as suggested by the doctors due to some thyroid cyst before it really get worst and i must say it's really not easy if you are newly operated. Actually, there's only a slight pain on my neck, what's really bothering me is my throat which was irritated due to the tube that was inserted inside me for the anaesthesia. To add more injury, I'm also suffering on the acid reflux caused by my gastritis which everytime I cough,I remember the wound and it get's really painful. So you see, I have a lot of health problems, not only one but a lot of health problems. On the contrary, I've been trying to live a healthy life for the past years but there are certain things that you really cannot control like these thyroid cyst. Who would ever imagine that i've been nurturing more than 1 cyst in my thyroid for the past months. Well, I don't know if it's really just months or it was already there perhaps more than a year because according to the surgeon, he removed a big cyst which measures 3 cm. He was able to remove all the other cyst, 6 of them, more or less perhaps. Luckily, my hospital bill will be taken care of my company so there will be no problem on that part. Hopefully, there will be no operations anymore coz i don't want to go to this same experience anymore coz I tell you, it's not so easy to undergo an operation coz if you won't feel the pain during the operation, it's the post operation that really hurts a lot. My doctor said that if my wound stop bleeding already, I can get out of this hospital and stay at hope for the rest of my recovery days. That I'm really excited about coz i will get to watch all the DVD's I've been wanting to watch for the past days and the series that i'm been looking forward to. Thanks to all my visitors who spent their time with me during these recovery days in the hosp and for those who sent their messages wishing me to get well soon. I'm also looking forward to a more peaceful and relaxing vacation for the next 2 weeks before going back to the office. Thanks to my family for making me feel safe in every difficult times of my life.

still here

here's a poem i just wrote early this afternoon....


I hate this feeling
I don’t want this feeling
I don’t like this feeling
I want to shout
I want to run
But
There’s no space to shout
There’s no where to run
I don’t want to nurture
It only grows
I don’t want it to grow
I really don’t…
But it‘s still there
Still here …
Here in my heart
A call away…a step away

I tried to escape
But he’s there catching me
He tried to escape
But I’m there catching him
A roller coaster ride of feeling..
Of emotion..
Going up…going down
I want to stop this
I don’t want to see him
But he’s always there
And I’m always here for him
A call away…a step away..
So it’s still there..
Still here
Here in my heart

He’s so near yet so far
It’s like it’s us…but there’s no us
Coz there’s a real us…
With him and with me..
It’s not gonna be us
Not ever….
Even if there’s no other us
It’s not gonna be us
But the feeling is still there
Still here
Here in my heart

I’m happy being around him
Sitting beside him
Eating beside him
Walking, talking, riding
With him
But there’s no us
Coz there will be no us

Only friends
Or more than friends for me.
But it’s not us
No us…

MAMA

It's been four months already since my mom died and up to this time, I can still feel the pain...it's really not very easy but I’m really trying my best to accept what happened. I’m still hurting...I really miss my mom...she's so precious to me and I still have lots of plans for her. I know she's in the hands of God right now and that's what keeping my heart calm with everything that's happened.

July 2

We already finished almost half of our production number but still we haven't completed the whole cast yet. there are times that only 7 or 8 dancers are practicing that's why...it's really bothersome for us leaders to finish the whole task....i'm just wondering...when can we complete the whole cast? there's still more things to do...OMG!!!!

false alarm

false alarm, i thought my blog was deleted already after 3 months of not posting anything here..i hope i could still cope up with all of my endless thoughts circling around my head and write all of them down here in my blog.

right now... i feel sad about what happened to shy's dad, he passed away last night.
i also feel sad about the text message i received this morning..it's very bothering.