still here

here's a poem i just wrote early this afternoon....


I hate this feeling
I don’t want this feeling
I don’t like this feeling
I want to shout
I want to run
But
There’s no space to shout
There’s no where to run
I don’t want to nurture
It only grows
I don’t want it to grow
I really don’t…
But it‘s still there
Still here …
Here in my heart
A call away…a step away

I tried to escape
But he’s there catching me
He tried to escape
But I’m there catching him
A roller coaster ride of feeling..
Of emotion..
Going up…going down
I want to stop this
I don’t want to see him
But he’s always there
And I’m always here for him
A call away…a step away..
So it’s still there..
Still here
Here in my heart

He’s so near yet so far
It’s like it’s us…but there’s no us
Coz there’s a real us…
With him and with me..
It’s not gonna be us
Not ever….
Even if there’s no other us
It’s not gonna be us
But the feeling is still there
Still here
Here in my heart

I’m happy being around him
Sitting beside him
Eating beside him
Walking, talking, riding
With him
But there’s no us
Coz there will be no us

Only friends
Or more than friends for me.
But it’s not us
No us…

MAMA

It's been four months already since my mom died and up to this time, I can still feel the pain...it's really not very easy but I’m really trying my best to accept what happened. I’m still hurting...I really miss my mom...she's so precious to me and I still have lots of plans for her. I know she's in the hands of God right now and that's what keeping my heart calm with everything that's happened.

July 2

We already finished almost half of our production number but still we haven't completed the whole cast yet. there are times that only 7 or 8 dancers are practicing that's why...it's really bothersome for us leaders to finish the whole task....i'm just wondering...when can we complete the whole cast? there's still more things to do...OMG!!!!

false alarm

false alarm, i thought my blog was deleted already after 3 months of not posting anything here..i hope i could still cope up with all of my endless thoughts circling around my head and write all of them down here in my blog.

right now... i feel sad about what happened to shy's dad, he passed away last night.
i also feel sad about the text message i received this morning..it's very bothering.

what happened?

i was just checking my blog but it seems that my dashboard doesn't want to appear anymore? what happened?

it's been a long time

wheew...it's been a long long time since i have not written something here in my blog. i missed this. i know i have a lot of things going in my mind that i want to write here and be a reminder of those times that i've felt them or experienced them but i really can't put all those things into words...i even forgot my password and not to mention my blogspot address..june, july and august were very memorable months for me..i'll just put the details in my next article..

wheew!!!was the first expression i thought when i remembered my password because i was afraid that i'll be going back to zero to create and to start again from scratch. as i've remembered my password, all the things that i want to write clogged again my mind and this time i'm trying to organize it so i can translate them into words in the best that i can...for now..i'm leaving this thought....i'm really having a hard time trying to convince myself that i really have to depend on myself for motivation, in everything..career, family, most specially with my relationship...i'm really having a hard time......

till my next article..

going south

AKTUAL FAMILY GOING SOUTH


It’s been more than a year now that we haven’t had an out of town adventure since Inday went to Australia. After doing a lot of escapade in the northern part of the Philippines, this time the Aktual went to the southern part for a change…LIAN,BATANGAS…

The group was almost complete with Cherry around confirming on the last minute of the planning. She was so reluctant in joining us since she was not sure if she’ll be given permission by her husband. In the end, she got the approval. We have Nikki who arrived first in the meeting place wondering if this is the right place since there were no Aktual people in the area yet. When suddenly one by one people started to arrive, he was now sure that this is the right place. The guys from the apartment were fetched by layla who just live around the area since the original plan of fetching the van from picoy’s place didn’t materialize. In the end, the meeting place was changed from Quezon ave to picoy’s place in santolan…

This is where the escapade begins…the Aktual Family going south celebrating Picoy’s birthday, shy’s birthday, Joc’s birthday and Peachy’s promotion…the group composed of Picoy, Shy, Jocs, Peachy, Sid and friend Nikki, Nadz and Perry, reslly and the new boyfriend Ren, Jolly, Lyle, Nowell, Chang, Layla and Cherry, with the bagets, Anya,Jerone and Waxy….Leaving picoy’s place at around 5am, the group headed to Lian, Batangas making another story of laughter, fun, party, cooking, eating, pictorials, eating, drinking and endless breath taking revelations from different sides of life…of the Aktual family….