still here

here's a poem i just wrote early this afternoon....


I hate this feeling
I don’t want this feeling
I don’t like this feeling
I want to shout
I want to run
But
There’s no space to shout
There’s no where to run
I don’t want to nurture
It only grows
I don’t want it to grow
I really don’t…
But it‘s still there
Still here …
Here in my heart
A call away…a step away

I tried to escape
But he’s there catching me
He tried to escape
But I’m there catching him
A roller coaster ride of feeling..
Of emotion..
Going up…going down
I want to stop this
I don’t want to see him
But he’s always there
And I’m always here for him
A call away…a step away..
So it’s still there..
Still here
Here in my heart

He’s so near yet so far
It’s like it’s us…but there’s no us
Coz there’s a real us…
With him and with me..
It’s not gonna be us
Not ever….
Even if there’s no other us
It’s not gonna be us
But the feeling is still there
Still here
Here in my heart

I’m happy being around him
Sitting beside him
Eating beside him
Walking, talking, riding
With him
But there’s no us
Coz there will be no us

Only friends
Or more than friends for me.
But it’s not us
No us…

MAMA

It's been four months already since my mom died and up to this time, I can still feel the pain...it's really not very easy but I’m really trying my best to accept what happened. I’m still hurting...I really miss my mom...she's so precious to me and I still have lots of plans for her. I know she's in the hands of God right now and that's what keeping my heart calm with everything that's happened.

July 2

We already finished almost half of our production number but still we haven't completed the whole cast yet. there are times that only 7 or 8 dancers are practicing that's why...it's really bothersome for us leaders to finish the whole task....i'm just wondering...when can we complete the whole cast? there's still more things to do...OMG!!!!